


I Am Safe

by WilyMech



Category: Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers Generation One
Genre: PTSD, Rape Recovery, Self Harm, feedback
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-30
Updated: 2016-08-29
Packaged: 2018-04-12 02:54:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4462811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WilyMech/pseuds/WilyMech
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Notes:</p><p> </p><p>This story was inspired by a short ficlet someone posted on tfanonkink about a year ago (please read here for context, the italicized parts).  This is in G1 and when the Autobots were together on a base.  It may be pre-Earth.  It is after Obligations by Sunnysidesblue and Pariah</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Recovery

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SunnySidesofBlue](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SunnySidesofBlue/gifts).



Obligation 

SunnySidesofBlue 

 

Notes:

 

This story was inspired by a short ficlet someone posted on tfanonkink about a year ago (please read here for context, the italicized parts). Mirage will have some problems with authority and trust despite the happy ending there still a lot work has to be done. Jazz knows this and so does Hound. 

Mirage listen to the banter and comparison notes what the proclivity of the Towers in regards to its former decadence. Being invisible does not always hide the wounds of the spark. For some like, Cliffjumper, for he sees only the exterior plating and not inner spark. Mirage really could not fault the loud min-bot on this and since the Noble mech prefer it this way to be honestly. The other mechs in the rec room were more problematic. Hound will see the wounds of the spark and try to get close. Jazz is really unpredictable to Mirage in what he chooses to see. What Jazz chooses to see always put the noble on edge. Trailbreaker, if anything Mirage often wonders if the strategist was poker player according to Spike’s card game never knows what lurks under that calm exterior. The same fear that grips his spark and keeps people at bay. 

Mirage was more concern about his own exterior which was showing cracks through the carefully manicured image of a snobbish ex-noble. Letting people get close to him always had been his down fall. It was a weakness he learned from the Towers days as a sparkling and a mechling. Inhale of vents drew attention from both Jazz and Hound they always seem know when he is about. This was no different half expectancy of the defense of the Towers. Simply put Mirage spark was not into defending his former home from decadence and hedonistic seeking pleasure of the frames. It will not remain buried this time. Mirage would go hide until he regains his composure.

Mirage’s own processer is slowly trying to detach itself from what the spark was feeling. So picking up behavior patterns of Prowl might protect Mirage from the emotional hurt. The need for escape is becoming more paramount to leave this room. Find a place to where he can carefully rebuild his mask again and face others.

Jazz’s visor dim a bit in thought. Something amiss with his lieutenant in special ops and he half listen to Cliffjumper’s tale of his distrust of Towerlings as his ex-noble agent optics carefully scrutinize each mech in the room. Jazz knew Mirage’s moods better than most and this one is of deep hurt. So deep that Mirage did not even bother to defend his former home and it left the leader of Special Ops at odds how to proceed. Mirage on some levels beyond the formal behavior was a very skittish mech and his distancing techniques won him few friends. 

“Hmph…” snorted CliffJumper “I was expecting the Towerling to march right up to me and defend his home and people, and where is Mirage?”

Jazz frown deeply and cast a warning glance to say that Mirage was here briefly. “Raj, he is out somewhere.”

“It is high mighty attitude needs to go down a peg or two,” spoke Cliffjumper

“It is an act, CliffJumper.” Spoke Trailbreaker

“Jazz, I am worried about, Mirage.” Spoke Hound

Mirage is used to dirty feeling of never being cleaned. The heat went out the water that the wash racks stall he is in. Mirage did not feel the cold drops of water on his plate nor the feels the stinging of cleanser he choose. Nor the smell of astringent that he had used to clean himself with was for heavy armor not the light. Sometimes the grime was hard to remove and need tough solvent. Strong solvent however eats away the color nanites and some the exterior finish that protects the environmental stresses that were found on Cybertron and not on Earth. The solvent Mirage used left pits and grooves in his armor and patchy coloration of paint nanites. None of that matter to proud noble as he curled in a fetal position reliving his nightmarish feedback of his sire and a certain senator and cry innermost energon. 

Ironhide found the noble. Like many of the Autobots wonder what Mirage really was feeling at times or how he looks at his other Autobots. Like many Ironhide believed that Mirage never knew trauma but Ratchet insisted otherwise. Mirage is one of those mechs that has something on the processor and wants to say time was too afraid to speak of it. The crisp words and expressions were fitting of a noble that revealed very little what the spy was feeling. After comm Ratchet, Ironhide turn off the water and locked the wash racks until the medic arrives. 

Mirage watches the weapons specialist with fearful optics. Ironhide merely move to the opposite end of the stall but no closer smile kindly at the spy. Mirage, averted his gaze and look down at his thighs. 

“Ratchet, is on his way?” spoke Ironhide trying to take gruffness out of his voice.

“Hurts.” Spoke Mirage

“I would like to know which Decepticon did this to you?” spoke Ironhide

Mirage gave him a perplex look. “Decepticons? It wasn’t….”

Ironhide notice the spy tensed up. 

“Noble does not let anyone knows how he feels. Mirage, you are disgrace to my optics.” spoke a voice of long departed sire to Mirage in the blue helm

“Mirage?” spoke Ironhide

“Something my sire used to say.” Spoke Mirage without emotion. “The Decepticons took away my vengeance when Starscream killed a certain Senator. “

Ironhide sat down next to the noble and furrow his brow. To let that tidbit of information slipped obvious the feedback weighs heavily on the noble. Ironhide did not show his shock at the self-inflicted damage that Mirage did to his frame. This kind of damage consistent with Rape victims and sadness slowly work into the old mech spark. Mirage had been raped at one point. 

Ratchet override the access code to the wash racks and was about to entered when he saw Jazz joining him. 

“Hey Ratch have you seen Raj.” spoke Jazz in ever present grin

Ratchet canted his helm to the saboteur. “No, not as yet I had seen that glitch. Jazz. do you think something set him off?”

Jazz dimmed his visor. “Strange question, Doc, but something set Raj off? It implied that what happened. Ah admit to being concern now ah strongly worried now. Is he in the Wash racks?”

“Yes.” Spoke Ratchet “Mirage, had a serious feedback loop.”

Jazz looks at the door. “Mirage, overheard us being myself, Cliffjumper, Hound and Trailbreaker talking about the fetishes and rapes by the Towerling mechs.”

“And?” spoke Ratchet tersely

“And what?” spoke Jazz “He was invisible and stood there listen and did nothing or said nothing.”

Ratchet frown at Jazz but he was getting a nasty suspicion what the feedback loop was about. Jazz anger is hiding the real worry for Mirage as a friend and superior officer. “Is anyone else is looking for Mirage.”

“Yeah.” Spoke Jazz “Hound, Breaker and CJ are, Wha’do ya want me to say to them?”

“He is safe and in med bay.” Spoke Ratchet. “As his commander, Jazz, Mirage is going be removed from active duty roster list.”

Medbay

Ratchet watches the readings of the scanner as Mirage is currently in recharge. Ironhide merely stroke Mirage’s helm and the old warrior gave look of grief. 

Prowl merely tapped the data pad curiously. “Did he gave you names of who did it?”

“No, he just said it wasn’t the Decepticons.” Spoke Ironhide

“You believe him?” ask Ratchet

Ironhide move to the other mechs and away from Mirage’s side. “Actually, I do. Not because Mirage was in denial of what happened. That he spoke of Starscream taking his chance of vengeance away from him.”  
Prowl merely gave thoughtful look at Ironhide. “Whoever raped him was killed by Starscream.”

Ratchet looks at the recharging noble. “Starscream, killed a lot of mechs. “

Prowl puts his data pad in subspace. “So it most likely wasn’t either a Decepticon or an Autobot. “

Ratchet looks at Prowl in disgust. “The wound is there and I medic not a psychologist. All you can say it wasn’t one of the factions.”

“Mirage, needs his friends.” Spoke Prowl

“He doesn’t have any.” Spoke Ironhide

“Incorrect statement, Ironhide, Mirage prefers to believe he does not have friends.” Spoke Prowl “So it won’t hurt as much when is betrayed. I am 98% that someone close to him betrayed him in some fasion so I scared of have intimate relationships with anyone.”  
Ratchet nodded at that statement. “Prowl, you want his friends to be at his side when comes out of recharge.”

“I will arrange their schedules to make sure Mirage is not alone.” Spoke Prowl “I will take my leave to deal with Jazz. Jazz, is most upset by this and blames himself for the Feedback loop. Also Third in Command wants revenge for Mirage and since it is mostly likely that this was not caused by them it is going harder to calm him down.”

Ironhide nodded sagely knowing how the Saboteur feels about his charges and how protective of them. 

Medbay after Joor later

Mirage online his optics to realize he is in med bay. He looks to see who is sitting next to him is Hound who just gives him a gentle smile. Mirage looks at the state of his plating to his dismay it has a series of streaks and scratches on it. It hasn’t been this bad since first time in his quarters at the Towers when his sire storms in chastised him for being weak. 

“Was I being disgraceful? “ Mirage asked in a small voice

Hound merely winced inward how defeated Mirage sounded. “No, you were in a lot of pain before anyone notice.” 

“My plating is dismal.” Protested Mirage

“Ratchet did not want touch it until you came out of recharge.” Spoke Hound. The proud Noble looks so fragile and lost at the same time. “Mirage, you are not alone.”

Mirage sees himself in the reflection of the ceiling. “I had been so long being alone Hound. Scared, people who I trusted the most betrayed me, sometimes, Hound it is hard for me to believe that you are true and people like exist at all.“  
“When did it happen, Mirage?” spoke Ratchet coming in

Mirage gave Ratchet a hopeless look. “The time when the Senate is it final days before Starscream attacked them.”

 

“You were just a mechling then?” spoke Hound in shock

“My sire set the whole thing up.” Spoke Mirage bitterly

Hound sees his friend broken spark for the first time. Mirage shift his back away from Hound to not to show the tears in his optics or to think he is weak. 

“Mirage…,” spoke Ratchet taking the ligier into his lap and begins to stroke him like to reassure a scared youngling. “you did nothing wrong. There is nothing to be ashamed off. We just want to help you get better.”

“Cliffjumper, too.” Spoke Mirage slowly working to get his composure back.

“Cliffjumper as well.” Smiles Hound gently ease his friend’s insecurity. “He wanted to slag the ones who hurt you so.”

“Bee, had to talk him down.” Smiled Mirage for first time

“That’s right.” Smiled Hound in relief. 

“Ratchet?” ask Mirage

“What is it?”

“Why did the feedback loop happen?”

Ratchet shifted to let Mirage lie back on the berth. “It is repressed memories and they usually come back when a person starts feeling safe. It means the spark and processor is ready to start to healing phase of the trauma. It what the Rung wrote in dealing with trauma victims. In my guess it could be applied for you.”

“I feel safe.” Spoke Mirage in awe

“It created conflict between the emotional and logic sections of the brain.” Frown Ratchet, “The emotional sectors was calmer and more relaxed since we first met, Mirage. It allows for the teasing and actions of informalities and getting close to people and yet at the same time it was scared and aloof. Logic center dealt with the trauma as objective as possible and not letting you heal because it was in survival mode.”

“You are being clinical about it, Ratchet.” Asked Hound

“I am trying to be a psychologist here.” Spoke Ratchet in growl. “Now I know why Prowl avoids emotional issues it is such an inexact science.”

“And here ah thought it was because he was so logical.” Smirk Jazz

Mirage smiles faded and lower his head in submission. “I am sorry…..so sorry please forgive.”

Jazz visor dimmed a lot when he saw Mirage reacted to his presence. Raj, ah ain’t mad. Just really worried tha all.”

“I didn’t go on a mission.”

“Yer ain’t fit t’go on a mission Raj.” smiled Jazz

“One step at a time.” Spoke Mirage hopefully at Jazz

Jazz gave his wheel a gentle squeeze. “Mirage, you known me for a long time have I ever allowed get hurt deliberately for a mission’s sake. Ah not kind of mech that takes advantage over another because they have a higher position to another.”

Mirage smiled faintly at his fellow Autobots. “I am safe and feel alive for the first time.”


	2. After Effects

Jazz listen to Mirage and his story. It was his sire who arranged the whole thing. The reason why, Mirage, survived the Fall of the Towers was, because he ran away. Mirage learned things on the streets. The feeling of guilt that he survived and so many have perished eats at Mirage. Jazz kept his face neutral and emotionless for his friend. Jazz lived most of his life on the streets and living near the Towers is dream of every mech there was. The energon was more abundant and the refuse still good enough to be used. 

“Jazz.” Spoke Mirage 

“Yeah…” spoke Jazz in a cheery grin at his lieutenant. “I was just lost in thought.”

“I know you, Jazz.” Spoke Mirage “What are you planning?”

“Ah was thinkin tha I visit them.” Spoke the Saboteur.

“You did not believe me.” Spoke Mirage wide optic shock. 

“Ah believe tha slag you went through.” Spoke Jazz “Ah know ya ta lie to me if was some Con.”

“It was my sire, Jazz.” Spoke Mirage coolant leaving his optics. “The mechs were killed by Starscream and during the attack on the Towers.”

Jazz looks at Mirage for longest time. “Yer were hurt ‘Raj. Yer sayin have thank Screamers fer killin tha one tha hurt ya tha most.” Frowns deepen. “Yer were not sayin tha to stop going off.”

“Which one is worse assuming the Decepticons are guilty or my sire?” ask Mirage bitterly

Jazz decided let Mirage has his tears he certainly bottled them up for longest time. “Slagging sire, Mirage.”

“Are you going be okay?” ask Mirage wiping the coolant from his optics.

“Ah been better.” Answer Jazz “An you?”

“I have not better for long time.” Spoke Mirage “Please, Jazz…”

“It’s me.” Spoke Jazz

“That what worries me.” Spoke Mirage

“Me as well.” Spoke Prowl as he enter the med bay. 

“Prowl.” Spoke Ratchet coming from his office. “Jazz, I see you are still here.” Mirage is clearly agitated. “Hound wants Mirage to move in with him for care.”

“Ah don’t like it.” Spoke Jazz

“I think we should let Mirage has his say.” Spoke Prowl

“Ratchet do you need the berth?” ask Mirage slowly processing it.

“Physically you are fine.” Spoke Ratchet. “This place gets busy with injured bots. I want to release you but you will need to be place in care of someone else.”

“I do not believe it will wise to move in with Hound.” Answer Mirage softly. “Hound is special.”  
Prowl smiles slightly and gave Mirage encouraging nod. 

“Then you can stay with me.” Smiled Jazz

Prowl never felt the desire to shoot Jazz right then there. Jazz is obvious dealing with his own trauma. Jazz also is being illogical about this. Mirage clearly stated that event affected him were before the time he join the Autobots. Prowl makes mental note to discuss what’s on Jazz’s processor. 

“I think I need a calmer mech than you Jazz.” Spoke Mirage. 

“I quite agree.” Spoke Prowl “Having Mirage there might interrupt your fun.”

“Special Ops look after our own.” Spoke Jazz

“It is important for Mirage to decide things for himself.” Spoke Ratchet. “I have list of mechs who are willing to watch him.”

“May I look at the list?” ask Mirage

Ratchet hands him the list. 

“Cliffjumper and Trailbreaker offered.” Spoke Mirage 

“Yeah they did.” Spoke Ratchet

Mirage smiled for first time. “All my friends are on the list. Why did you not redact it?”

Ratchet merely folded his arms. “I took a gamble that you will not go with any of them.”

“Ironhide is here as well.” Spoke Mirage

“He is the one alerted us to the problem.” Spoke Prowl softly. 

“I would like to discuss it with him.” Spoke Mirage

“Anyway, Mirage, you are not active duty roster.” Spoke Prowl “I going over some files. I think it is important that you have some function. Like monitor duty or even helping your commander with his paper work. Just until Mirage becomes ready to resume his duties. “

 

Rec room

Ironhide went looking for Hound. The forest green mech looks so sad and depressed. Staring down at the cube nearly full of engex. 

“Hound.” Spoke Ironhide

“I want him to know he has friends.” Spoke Hoiund nearly in tears

“He does have friends.” Spoke the old weaponmaster

“Then why?” spoke Hound

“Hound…” spoke Ironhide “May I sit here?”   
“Yes.” Spoke Hound 

“I found Mirage.” Spoke Ironhide “I heard a story about Senator that fancied mechlings. I had a friend once he was body guard for that Senator. Being assigned to that senator it destroyed my friend. It is not an easy story to hear or the facts now. I guess I am not clear to you.”

“You are saying you know who did this?” growled Hound

“Heh, I do.” Spoke Ironhide grimly. “That mech is long dead by Starscream’s hand. Probably the only bit justice that Seeker ever did. My friend was his body guard. When I last saw him he gave what he had on that Senator. I never looked at because I didn’t want to know. “

“You feel like that you can help Mirage.” Spoke Hound

“That I do.” Spoke Ironhide “I lost a good friend to that monster and I do not want lose another mech to him. My friend took syk and over dose it. Mirage, ran away he was charged to go find the mechling and bring him back to the Senator. He gave me the data that he accumulated. “

“When did you realize that there is a connection?” ask Hound

“When Mirage is speaking of the senator.” Answer Ironhide “So I looked in the box. It was about Mirage and what monster did to him. There were others, Hound, not just Mirage. The Senator did favor him. Most of the others are dead either by drugs and some by their own hand.”

“Why didn’t they speak up earlier.” Spoke Hound

“No one will believe them, Hound.” Spoke Ironhide sadly. “Mirage, felt the whole world was against him. Like the others, Mirage, was pretty much isolated from society. It was Mirage’s own sire sold him out and betrayed him. Trusting another is very hard for him. “

“Ironhide.” Spoke Hound “Will show me the data?”

“No.” answer the red mech evenly. “Mirage will tell you when he is ready if at all.” 

Optimus Prime office

The Senate became corrupt over time. Optimus reflected that once as he put the last file down that was in the box. Ironhide gave it to him. Fury went through him the Senator was vile as any of the Decepticons rebelled against. Mirage’s photo when he is mechling a person fill life and dreams it is far cry what he is now. 

Prowl wants to restrict Jazz from the files and only alliow those who have need of it, Optimus, reluctantly agreed to it. Jazz will get the redacted report about it. Optimus Prime lifts of picture of Mirage genuine smiling with his friends. 

“You will smile again, Mirage.” Spoke Optimus Prime.


	3. Work in Progress

Ironhide vented softly before he entered Prowl’s office. Hound is a good mech and clearly he cares about Mirage. The old weapon master decided to trust his instincts on this. Prowl wanted to see him before he goes meet Mirage in med bay. In truth that surprises, Ironhide, he was half expecting Jazz. Ratchet said that Prowl is unusually perceptive in this manner. 

Prowl looks up as the door is open and the weapon master steps in. “I admit this unusual to act this way it border on emotional reaction. I do apologize for that. I know that Mirage has made a request to see you.”

“You are curious why I put my name on the list.” Spoke Ironhide

“’There is that.” Answer Prowl. “I am also curious why you had your name on list in first place.”

“That is not the real question your asking Prowl.” Spoke Ironhide gruffly. “I feel a bit of guilt of what happened. Mirage had an luxury upbringing and that is an illusion. The kid had less than nothing, “

“A loving family.” Spoke Prowl

“Why are taking a keen interest?” ask Ironhide

Prowl look a bit apprehensive at Ironhide. “It is not easy for me to address the emotions of others and convey in the logical fashion. I have no knowledge as to what humans call hell that Mirage lived through. Many made false assumptions about him and his previously life. I do know what it is like to be a lone in a metaphorical sea of people. Mirage had been alone all or most of his life growing up.”

Ironhide grimaced at the statements different events in Prowl life gave him the same insight what is to be not being understood and alone. “Jazz.”

Prowl raise his optic ridge in surprise. “Jazz has the need to save everyone around him. Mirage’s circumstance caught him unawares also it forced Jazz to re-evaluate somethings in his life.”  
“That is not what I meant.” Spoke Ironhide in a smirk. “Prowl, everyone knows that you love Jazz. The more you go out of your way to hide the more obvious it is.”

“I relate to things through logic, Ironhide.” Spoke Prowl “Mirage, it is not natural for him to act clinical and very logical about the situation. Jazz, reacts to stimuli through emotions and intuition. Mirage always is in my view a happy medium. I am concern about them both.”

“And Hound.” Spoke Ironhide

“What about him?” ask Prowl

“Mirage has strong feelings for the mech.” Spoke Ironhide

“I was unaware that they are lovers.” Spoke Prowl as his door wings lowered. 

Ironhide merely smother laughter. Prowl admitted his short comings when comes to interpersonal relationships. “They are not….however it could change.”

“I see.” Spoke Prowl 

Ironhide wonder how much Mirage knew that Prowl is protecting him. Inkling Irohide got that even Prowl is protecting the spy from his own commander. Jazz is agitated for some reason even Optimus noted it. 

“It is wonder how Mirage survived so long?” ask Ironhide

“He was not at the Towers when it fell.” Answer Prowl “Mirage, at the time near as I can tell joined the gang of thieves.”

“How?” ask Ironhide

“Most of the records had been suppressed by the nobles.” Spoke Prowl “It took me awhile get through the encryption codes. Mirage was with a group of thieves that lived for a while under the Towers. By the time the Towers the group moved on and so did our resident spy. By the time , Mirage, joined the Autobots he already possessed the skill set that placed him in Special Ops. “

“Not much details to go on.” Spoke Ironhide in surprise.

“I suspect the Nobles did not want it known that a member of their caste was with common thieves.” Spoke Prowl softly. “Later suppression came from Mirage himself. As for the group he was with most perish early on the war.”

“Jazz know this?” ask Ironhide

“I would say not.” Spoke Prowl “Mirage, is adept even before his training to blend in. Jazz does it on differently level. Mirage still stands out but no one questions the fact he belongs there. Jazz is socially blends in chameleon. Even I did not suspect Mirage’s true past.”

Ironhide could that Prowl is impressed with Mirage’s subterfuge. 

Medbay

Hound is regaling Mirage about the fauna of the Earth has. Mirage smile lightly as he listens to Hound. Ironhide can tell that Mirage is enjoying Hound’s company he is still a bundle of nerves. The kid is mixed up. 

“It is nice to see you smile like that.” Spoke Hound in a cheerful grin

“I am always happy to see you.” Spoke Mirage softly

“Hey, Mirage, I am sorry I did not come sooner.” Spoke Hound “It kind of hurt ya know.”

“What did?” ask Mirage

“That you choose Ironhide to room with.” Spoke Hound. “It hurt at first but it is right decision.”

“I felt unworthy of you.” Spoke Mirage meekly

Hound optics went wide. “I felt the same.”

“What?” spoke Mirage in surprise at the statement.

“Well your status as ‘Noble’ and the manners you have makes you kinda of refine.” Spoke Hound “My thoughts were how can settle for someone who is common. I mean drop dead gorgeous.”

Mirage look deeply puzzled “Your honesty is very rare and refreshing. I grew up world where most people are not emotionally honest. I cannot give that relationship just yet. “

“I am not ready for that kind of relationship either.” Spoke Hound “I was scared Mirage, I almost lost you. It turned out….” Sad vent came from the tracker. “I needed to believe that you led an easy life. Nothing bad happens to Nobles. I let you suffered because I wanted illusion.”

“I suffered because I was afraid of letting people in.” spoke Mirage firmly. “I wanted you to see the illusion, Hound. It was that honesty that I admired and it is scares me. That I want to deal with what happened to me in the past, my friends make want to deal with it. “

“I guess we can be friends.” Spoke Hound

“I would like to see the gardens you speak of?” ask Mirage

“Mirage.” Spoke Ironhide

Mirage nodded at the Weaponmaster as he made final preparations to leave med-bay.


	4. Cliffjumper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cliffjumper has his own methods of cheering people up.

CliffJmaper as a CheerLeader

Cliffjumper is concerned about things about his favorite ex-Noble. So concern that he used his skill to figure out what happen to Mirage and at first he thought it is some Decepto-creep. Mirage has that haunted look while the Noble had never the happy-go-lucky but he never had been mopey either. Hound knew what happened and who hurt Mirage. Prowl is being protective and Jazz is going ballistic this is not good. Ratchet put Mirage on light duty and many mini-bots grumbled and complained about it even Cliffjumper. That all change when Mirage enteredthe rec room get his ration and quickly departed.

So something happened. Mirage never had been social as some but he never isolated himself from the rest of Autobots. Mirage almost seems like he wants to disappear. Prowl has him on monitor duty and the red mini decided to wait until the shift ended. 

Mirage look at Cliffjumper in surprise.

“Man you look like a wilted flower.” Spoke Cliffjumper

Mirage look abashed at Cliffjumper . “Surely, you were going say something else.”

“Several, actually.” Snorted Cliffjumper “Right now they don’t seem appropriate.” A laugh and a smile at Mirage which the other merely look downcast at the red mini. “Yeah, I know the what the word means and I don’t like pickin on people who are down. What happen , Mirage, I mean look at you your optics are dull.”

“A lot of things, Cliffjumper.” Spoke Mirage

 

“Let’s go.” Spoke Cliffjumper

“What? Where?” ask Mirage in surprise

“You need to get out.” Spoke Cliffjumper “And I know the spot.”

“I cannot just leave like that.” Spoke Mirage in protest

“Yeah you can.” Smirk the Red mini-bot

“Ratchet has me up for another therapy session.” Spoke Mirage

“Hmmmph.” Snorted Cliffjumper “It is one of those sessions where the psycho-babble tells what your emotional issues so you can feel better. If had to go through that scrap I will scream. Besides a lot of fragging stuff happened to you and there is nothing wrong with being you, Mirage. I can tell you want to go out.”

“It is my fault though.” Spoke Mirage following Cliffjumper outside of the Arc

“Jazz has his issues and we all do.” Smiled Cliffjumper as he transform to drive off. Mirage follow suit. 

Couple hours later in Medbay

Mirage is late and his shift ended couple hours ago. Ratchet let out a long string of curses and the reasons why he is not a psychologist. Smokescreen merely told him Mirage is being too obedient and eventually he will stop. Mirage is finding himself and Ratchet sincerely hoped it was not the New Age stuff that some of the mechs like. 

::Ironhide, had you seen Mirage.:: commed Ratchet finally after his series of pacing

::No he has not return from his duties.:: spoke Ironhide evenly.

Ratchet decided to go to Red-Alert’s office is and see if Mirage is still there. Red-Alert looking over Mirage’s work oddly enough and sighed. 

“Hey Red-Alert, do you know where Mirage went?” ask Ratchet

“He was talking to Cliffjumper and left with him.” Answer the Security Officer “Cliffjumper, wanted to take Mirage to a spot outside of the Arc.”

Ratchet vents nearly stalled as hundred scenarios went through his processor. Mirage is nowhere near ready to go out. What business is it of Cliffjumper to take Mirage outside. “Is Prowl in?”

Red-Alert merely nodded and gesture the medic in. 

“Prowl, we got a problem.” Spoke Ratchet

“Mirage took off with Cliffjumper.” Spoke Prowl coolly. “I know where they are. Hound and Cliffjumper found a rest spot for human vehicles that overlook the Pacific Ocean. I normally in not in the habit of agreeing with Cliffjumper, he may be right that Mirage had been coop up here too long.”

“So what I am going do if a patient does not show up.” Spoke Ratchet sarcastically

“How you watch the patient and I can send you with Hound.” Spoke Prowl evenly “Ratchet, you will not be satisfied until you see Mirage with your own optics.

The Rest Spot 

Mirage sat and watch the waves of the Pacific Ocean and Cliffjumper for a moment. “You come here often.”

Cliffjumper stretch a little in his brash grin. “My fist can’t always calm me down so I come here to unwind.” In a snort. “People are all up in twisted in knots. Hound is.”

Mirage’s optics dimmed further. “He said I am beautiful. I do not know how I feel about him.”

“Mirage, have you ever been in a romantic relationship.” Spoke Cliffjumper looking at the noble.

Mirage pulled himself in a fetal position. “I interface before.”

“Not comfort “facing” an actual intimate relationship.” Spoke Cliffjumper

“People interface for comfort?” ask Mirage stunned

Cliffjumper pursed his lips and stared at Mirage in shock. “Okay. Hound cares about you deeply and it hurts him. I know this is not your fault. I just want to know how you feel.”

“I do not know, Cliffjumper, how I feel.” Spoke Mirage “Friendships are very new concept to me. What I feel for Hound is different from what I feel from others. I want his smile and love listen to him about Earth and organic lifeforms. Hound practically beaming with joy and fascination. I am so scared of messing what I have with Hound. ”

“You really don’t know how to act.” Spoke Cliffjumper sadly. “Who hurt you so badly?” The red mini-bot was really intended to have it out with Mirage and his stand-offish manners to Hound. "You are just not ready yet."

Mirage hid his face in shame. “Hound scares me.”

Cliffjumper looks at the Pacific Ocean and sees the sun is setting. “I know he does. You’re attracted to him. “

“Cliffjumper, why are you not teasing me?” ask Mirage

“You are my friend, Mirage.” Spoke Cliffjumper “I can tell your hurtin bad now. My words may pick on ya will be takin the wrong way. I enjoy our sparring matches with you.”

“You are strange mech.” Spoke Mirage canted his head to Cliffjumper. 

“Besides callin you “Towers” and “Stuck up Noble Snob” does not really fit.” Spoke Cliffjumper “Don’t worry I am not going call you “Raj” or tread Jazz’s nickname for you. “

“Jazz, has been moody.” Spoke Mirage 

“Yeah he has.” Nodded Cliffjumper “The sun is setting.”

“Sunstreaker, would love the colors.” Smile Mirage wistfully. “It is another day.”

“Yeah.” Nodded Cliffjumper “The flower is not so wilted now.”

“I need to work things out with Jazz.” Spoke Mirage firmly

Ratchet listen to the Mechs along with Hound. The forest green tracker is just lost in his thoughts. Mirage change the subject but he never deny his attraction for the Scout he just don’t how to act on it. Ratchet is relieve to see how Mirage smile at Cliffjumper and had been a long time that the Noble has an honest smile. 

::Hound:: spoke Ratchet

“You can quit hiding.” Spoke Cliffjumper


	5. Friends

Hound came out from hiding and Mirage advert his gaze out of embarrassment. Ratchet gave Cliffjumper a glare and walks over to Mirage. Ratchet vented for a few minutes the younger mech didn’t even flinch and the medic smiled for a moment. 

“Cliffjumper was right.” Spoke Ratchet gritting his dentae

“What?” ask Mirage perplex

“For love of…..” spoke Ratchet face palming his helm “….just don’t make me say it again! It was bad enough the first time.”

“I did this because I care about Hound.” Spoke Cliffjumper 

Hound looks at the Cliffjumper and gives him censorious look. “I know what, Mirage, went through and how he feels about me. I was upset by his choices he made and after time they are the right ones. “

“Cliffjumper meant no harm.” Spoke Mirage softly

“One day when you are better, Mirage, I want more than just a friendship.” Spoke Hound gently. “Do you really like listening to the Flora and Fawna of this planet.”

“You made me see the beauty of the organic world.” Spoke Mirage in a nod. “I was polite at first then I learn to appreciate Earth and it’s organic life. I would like hear more about the dog trees and elms. What trees have flowers and such.”

“You remember those things.” Snorted Ratchet

“Humans have belief in trees.” Spoke Hound  
“Um Hound.” Spoke Mirage nervously.

“What is it?” ask Hound softly

“Can you go to my quarters and get the tree sof good fortune and luck?” ask Mirage

“You gave him that tree?” ask Cliffjumper 

“I gave Mirage several gemstone trees.” Spoke Hound in a faint smile. “Ratchet?”

“Mirage is still not allowed to go back to his quarters.” Spoke the Medic in a sigh. “However, I see no problem getting his gemstone forest if he wants it. Is there anything else you want?”

“Most of my decorations are from Hound.” Spoke Mirage “Hound was explaining how humans who believe in Feng Shui have very complex beliefs. The trees remind me of the gardens I used to visit on Cybertron and how beautiful they are.” 

Ratchet merely grunted in acknowledgement he knew about the trees that Mirage because he medical concerns and if there was anything to enlighten the mental state of the noble. Mirage has the gemstone trees place as a miniature garden and prominently in his quarters. Ratchet never question why they were there and how the Noble got them. Ratchet was looking for journals and private thoughts that Mirage had written down. Prowl was even impressed how neat and orderly Mirage kept his room. Mirage’s explanation is more to nerves and justification of why he has the gemstone trees.

“The trees mean a lot to you.” Spoke Ratchet “Let’s go back.”

::Hound, I never knew Mirage is into Feng Shui.” Spoke Ratchet over private com as he drove back.

The jeep rev his engine in careful thought. ::He isn’t into Feng Shui, Ratchet. Mirage saw an exhibition of gemstone trees admiring them. When living in the city he would go to the public gardens and they have energon trees. I gave him some gemstone trees and he accepted graciously.::

Hound realizes that Mirage prizes those trees because it is the first things that he owned and nobody took away from him. It is strange Hound grew up poor and he had to work for a living but he had creators that cared and even love him. Mirage only knowledge of what is family is the Autobots. Hound remembered Mirage’s reactions to the trees and it open wariness and when he realized that gemstones were his. It was sheer delight. 

Mirage show the gemstone trees and created what humans call diorama and created tiny paths and crystals. Hound was impressed by Mirage’s creativity and what he did with the trees. It was a first time where Mirage showed pride and the mech practically beaming. Hound knew on some levels having his room searched bothered him. 

::He is making progress.:: spoke Ratchet ::It took a lot of effort on Mirage to ask for the trees. Hound will help move the diorama.::

Several clicks later

Jazz hears a brisk knock on the door to his office. Jazz grimace to buzz the mech in and figuring it is a welcome distraction from his arch nemesis called paperwork. Mirage walk gracefully in and looks at the office in dismay.

“You need help?” ask the Noble archly

“Ah am about to use it for target practice.” Snarled Jazz

“I think taking gun to it will only create more.” Spoke Mirage pointedly

“Probably.” Grumbled the saboteur “Should ya being doing it Raj?”

“Oh yes the torment of paperwork.” Spoke Mirage picking up pads “I see you still need me. I doubt Ratchet or Ironhide grouse so much if I help you with it.”

“Ah going on mission is still big no.” spoke Jazz in a grin feeling he is making some headway. “Why are you here, Raj?” 

“To talk.” Answer Mirage 

“Ah see.” Spoke Jazz as he and Mirage work on the paper work. “Ah missed you being on the team.”

“I missed being in on your team.” Spoke Mirage looking at Jazz.

Few hours of paper work and both Jazz and Mirage make some head way with it. Jazz look at his Lieutenant and wonder how to broach the subject. It hurt that Mirage did not confide in him about his past. 

“So you steal things.” Spoke Jazz

“I stole for energon.” Spoke Mirage optics dimmed. “When I join the Autobots it was first time I had full tank in long time. I had other offers for means of survival.”

“Yeah the same.” Frowned Jazz “Sellin your frame. Ah had that as well it seems we have a lot more in common than I thought.”

“So what is bothering you?” ask Mirage

“Ah guess Ah wanted the illusion.” Answer Jazz “Alos Ah wanted to murder your fragging sire.”

Mirage looks at Jazz in surprise. “I want my friend.”

“It can’t be the same Raj.” Spoke Jazz in a faint smile. “So learn your skill set being a theif.”

“It is a little more complicated than that.” Spoke Mirage optics dimming. “They did not even know why I ran away from the Nobles and elites of Cybertron. I was not even there when the Towers fell. Like many the Decepticons slaughter the group was betrayed. Funny I miss them still.”

“Roving bands were slaughter and escape Cybertron.” Spoke Jazz softly. 

“I don’t know what happened to them.” Spoke Mirage “I was sent to procure some supplies and was delayed then they were gone. I looked for them and there is not even script of them.” 

“So wander from the wilds to Iacon and join the Autobots.” Spoke Jazz finishing the paperwork

“I traveled with a group of refugees to Iacon looking sanctuary.” Spoke Mirage softly. “I saw Optimus Prime speak at the group and he offering safe passage off the planet. I wanted to make a difference and wanted to be some use.”

“That is when I caught you sneaking in.” smiled Jazz “Ah don’t know how ya handle this paperwork. But Ah do miss the times we had as a team and our time together as a friends.” The visor dimmed a bit. “I went through similar slag and it took meh awhile to get back. Ah did with Prowler’s help but it is one day at time thing.” Jazz took Mirage’s hand in his servo. “Raj, I want your real past and real you.”


	6. New Bounderies

Author Note: The reason why I had not been writing of late is because I was in a car accident. I never meant to leave the audience hanging in mid story. It has been a long almost two months in the hospital and it will take some in house rehab to walk again. I literally was bored out of my mind and nothing to do but think of stories and the next chapters. Some I do have clear cut path I want to follow. Thanks for bearing with my grammar and waiting for the next chapter some sort of closure. 

Here is the Chapter for the story

Mirage sat and looks at the sunset with Hound more contemplative about the past. He is still not allowed to go out on missions for Special Ops. His companion did not miss the flicker of Mirage’s expression. Sitting just outside of the Arc and looking at the mountain range. 

“It is beautiful.” Spoke Mirage 

Hound look at his companion in thought noting the wistful look. “What is?”

“The sunset.” Spoke Mirage more lost in thought. “This planet for an organic world, that is.”

Hound could hear the faint snobbery in Mirage’s voice and smiles. “It has it’s charm.”

“Hound.” Spoke Mirage 

“Yes.” Spoke the scout and looking at Mirage’s optics seeing he is trying to phrase something.

“Do you need spend time with Trailbreaker?” ask Mirage

Hound looks at his friend and the field is a mixture of complex feelings desire, wanting, and fearing all the same time. “Mirage, Trailbreaker is my best friend but he has someone else in mind for his Conjunx.” Puzzlement on the noble features and expression the scout chuckle at that and smiles at his companion. “Trailbreaker and I very similar creatures, tell me why I am special to you.”

“You find the beauty in all things.” Spoke Mirage 

Hound sat up and looks at Mirage in surprise and lean toward to his companion. “What do you mea?”

“You don’t see the shell that houses the person and what is inside.” Spoke Mirage softly.

Hound looks at Mirage’s optics for the moment. “I did not see your pain.”

“You cannot see everything Hound.” Smiled Mirage in mild amusement at the Scout’s admission. 

Hound leans in kiss Mirage on his lips. Mirage did not flinch at the touch nor did stop Hound from kissing him. Hound stop and look almost ashamed. “Mirage, I am sorry.”

Mirage look puzzled and disappointed at Hound. “There is nothing to forgive.”

“I kissed you.” Spoke Hound

“I did not mind.” Spoke Mirage softly.

Hound shook his head and got up. “I almost took advantage of you.”

Mirage looks down for a moment and got himself. Mirage, wanted to convince Hound it is okay but his words will not convince the other that no harm is done. “Stay, Hound. I need to go and see a therapy session.”

Hound looks at his companion and simply nodded. “Ratchet.”

“Yes, he is waiting.” Spoke Mirage in tight voice.

Clicks later

Ratchet, his head went up at the buzzer and he checked in his inner chromo it is time to spend with Mirage. Mirage look at the medic in a tight expression. Ratchet learn that expression was not learn from the noble upbringing but away to deflect from what is bothering him. Mirage walks in took his customary seat and looks at the medic. So that expression is not as controlled as Mirage wants it to be, so the mask is crumbling. 

“So what happened?” spoke Ratchet

“My emotions are twisted into knots.” Spoke Mirage evenly

Ratchet snorted at the statement but the Noble. “It has been that way for a while.”

The mask crumbled completely for Mirage the field has tones of despair. “I am mess. I am so messed up that Hound is repulsed by it.”

Ratchet merely nodded at the crux of the matter. “Hound does not want to hurt you further.”

“He kissed me, Ratchet.” Spoke Mirage.

The medic gave his patient a surprised look. “How did you feel about it?”

“Different from Hound does.” Spoke Mirage bitterly.

Ratchet look at his tool and clean it. Mirage will talk more when he makes the pretense of being distracted. “It felt good, didn’t it?”

“Yes.” Spoke Mirage softly. “Hound, felt he overstep his bounds.”

Ratchet merely frowns at that. “You think that being a mess is the reason Hound rejected you?’

“What other explanation is there?” ask Mirage

Ratchet gave Mirage a look. “Well if you kissed Hound he may be not ready for that kind of relationship.”

“Hound initiated the kiss.”

Ratchet look at the spy. “Hound, then just does not want to hurt you. It is not because you are defected. Why are you telling me this?’

“I am required to talk to you in order to get back on full duty.” Spoke Mirage evenly. “To be honest talking to Jazz about such measures is like well interrogation. He seems to great pleasure when my manners falter and then act are less than refine.”

Ratchet quirk his optic ridge up. “ So rating me and Jazz who is more tedious to talk too at the given moment.”

Mirage looks at Ratchet for a moment. “I think I bring the matter to Prowl’s attention.”

Ratchet sat straight up. “For the love of whatever you think is a cerebro function, No! “ Looks at Mirage’s optics and faint smile then realizes the jest. “You friggin glitch head you meant that as a joke!”  
Mirage stiffens a bit and smirks at the medic. “Last statement I did. Ratchet, I realized if I am going have a serious relationship with Hound. We have things to work out. I was thrilled at Hound kissing me but disappointed when he stop. I tried to tell him it was fine but…”

“He didn’t believe you, Mirage.” Noted Ratchet. “For what is worth, kid, you didn’t anything wrong. Hound blames himself and some closest friend s feel the same way. Jazz, well I understand why you spoke to me about it. You wanted advice.”

Mirage merely nodded at the statement. “Relationships are a minefield sometimes there are times where I just prefer the Decepticons at least you know where you stand with them.” 

“Ah but not so rewarding.” Smiles Ratchet in a grin. “I know you want more duties other monitoring with Red. I guess going Patrol won’t hurt but no Special Ops.”

“There is a catch.” Spoke Mirage finally.

“Yeah it is not a solo gig.” Ratchet look at his pad. “Hound needs time, Mirage.” 

Mirage got up and leaves med bay for the first time with hope in his optics.


End file.
